


Never Can Say Goodbye

by tamaracherice



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Returns, Depression, Future Dean Winchester, Gen, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Sad, Samulet, Series Finale, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 07:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamaracherice/pseuds/tamaracherice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sam and Dean finally close the gates of hell, things aren't what they'd hope they would be, bu then again when are they ever? The boys give the ultimate sacrifice to save a world that turned its back on them, leaving them broken and lost with no where else to turn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Can Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This story is basically post season 8 disregarding the last episode, in which in this fic, they actually do succeed in closing the gates.

It's been five years to the date that the gates to hell were officially closed. It was a bittersweet day for Dean, mostly bitter of course. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his old, weather-beaten wallet. Even though he had another newer wallet, he kept this one with him at all times to remind him of his old self. In it there was ten dollars- he wasn't exactly a big spender back then, a few maxed out credit cards, an old piece of gum and a small picture, folded into fours. It was the same stuff in the wallet every single time he opened it, he wouldn't dare take anything out of it. His whole world was ripped from right under him and that was the one thing, plus the Impala that remained the same. He slowly opened the aging picture, the color slowly fading and the fibers tearing from unfolding and refolding it over and over. He brushed his thumb lightly over the surface clearing off the thin film of dust that had accumulated. "Hey Sammy" he croaked, knowing that the person in the picture wasn't really his brother, but a distant memory. He could talk to the picture all he wanted but nothing was going to make this Sam talk back. "I did what you wanted y'know. I met a girl, her name's Sandra and we got married. But you probably already knew that" he said quietly. "But can you believe that your big brother finally settled down." He smiled bitterly waiting in the silence for an answer he knew would never come. His biggest fear came true the day they closed the gates to hell, he lost his little brother. His sweet, innocent, little brother would never get to live the happy life he so wanted to have when he was young. Everyday Dean prayed to God, or Cas- god he hasn't even seen Cas in years- that it could've been him that died and not Sammy, that every day he lives, Sam could somehow take his place. "You were always the strong one Sammy. You saw the light at the end of this, not me, so why in the hell do I get t stay here and live your happy ending?" he said aloud.

His heart felt heavy, too heavy to cry, but somehow the tears kept streaming out anyways. The thud of little feet padding down the hallway and up the stairs became louder and louder until they stopped outside his room door. "Daddy what's wrong?" a little voice said from behind the wooden door. Two small blonde-haired children, one girl and one boy peeked their heads through the door, peering up at their father. "Come here guys" he said, reaching out to them. They waddled over on their little three year old legs and climbed onto his lap, laying their heads on his shoulders. "I love you Daddy" the boy said, "I love you too Daddy" the little girl said right after. She was competitive when it came to things like this and it painfully reminded him of Sam. They were so sweet and innocent and he would mess things up. He would let them down too, just like he let down everyone else that he loved. "And I love you little munchkins too, don't you ever forget that. Make sure you tell your mother you love her every day, every single day you hear me?" He looked at each of them making sure they knew how serious he was. "Even when you're made at her, you tell her 'I love you' anyways. Promise?" "Promise" they said, their little voices blending together in a perfect harmony that broke his heart. "Good now go on and play" he said hugging them each one last time, watching as they skipped joyfully out of the room, and out of his life. They had not a care or worry in the world and that was the way it should be. There was something beautiful about it. Just as they left, the family dog came in to join him. He was a large golden retriever named Sparky, which took him some time to get used to. After the whole hell hound thing, dogs weren't exactly his pet of choice but he grew to love him over the last few years. He pranced in the room and jumped on top of the bed, taking a place next to his owner, leaning into his hand asking to be petted. "I love you too Sparky" he said, ruffling the golden fur behind his ears. "Now get out, go play with the kids and keep them safe until Sandra gets home" he said, shooing him out, but the dog didn't listen. Instead he climbed back onto the bed and licked Dean's face. "Alright alright, I love you too but c'mon now I'm serious." When Sparky still didn't leave, he resorted to yelling. "Get out of here you stupid dog!" He scurried away, whimpering with his tail between his legs. He sighed defeatedly but was thankful for finally being alone.

He got up and closed the door behind him, locking it so no one else would burst through, and took his place back on the bed. He thought about this for years and now he was actually going through with it. He was going to put a bullet through his skull and end it all. It was the cowardly thing to do, he knew, but he just couldn't go on anymore. The weight of the world was rested on his broken shoulders and he was ready to crumble. He thought about saying goodbye to Sandra but decided against it. It was just too hard, and at this point what would he even say to her. He felt like a coward ending his life like this, leaving his beautiful and loving wife and children behind without so much as an explanation. She would just try to convince him not to go through with it anyways and that wasn't what he wanted. Instead, he left her a note about his growing depression and how it was all too much for him- vaguely mentioning Sam's death, leaving out the supernatural part of course. From underneath his pillow he slid out his gun. All the adrenaline in his body rushing to his head and he felt that he would die before he even pulled the trigger. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to slow down his racing mind and increasing heart rate. He wouldn't do it here, of course not. This was definitely something he didn't want his kids to be around but he had to calm his nerves so he could at least drive the Impala to somewhere isolated where no one would bother him. Soon this feeling would be all over, he'd finally be back with his Sammy. It was stupid and selfish but for a man who gave up everything he ever loved, he was at the end of his journey. He pulled his brother's amulet from underneath his shirt and let it fall against his chest. He hadn't told Sam that he went back into the motel room and retrieved it from the garbage that one night, but he had a feeling he already knew."I'm so sorry I couldn't do what you asked me to Sammy. I really did try this time but Cas said he saved us both a spot up there and it would be nice for us to just be a family again." He felt a cold breeze rush into the room making the hair on the back of his neck stand up and tiny goose bumps raise up on his arms. At first he thought it might be a ghost and he started to get frantic again, adrenaline surging through his body. His anxiety levels were increasing by the second and the lump in his throat became suffocating, choking the air and the life out of him. His hands were clammy and a film of sweat broke out on his forehead. "It will be me, you, dad, mom, Jo, Ellen, Jess- all of us together and happy." His voice was trembling now, his hands mimicking the shaky movement of his chest as he breathed in and out unsteadily. He tucked the gun into the top of his pants, left the note for Sandra on her pillow and took one long look at his bedroom for the last time. He'd spent countless hours in this bedroom, in this house and it meant so much to him just yesterday. Now it feels like just another room, just another house with no sentiments.

He unlocked the door and turned to walk out when an urgent Cas came barging through, forcing him back into the room. "Cas!" Dean shouted excitedly, "It's been so many years." The tears that blurred his vision were now streaming down his face and he couldn't find the will to care or wipe them away. He wrapped his arms around the angel in a tight embrace, hanging on for dear life. For the first time, Cas hugged him back, a real genuine hug. They stood in the center of the room clinging to each other tears streaking both of their faces now."Dean" he croaked, "you can't leave your family like this, you were doing so well." "Cas don't try and stop me, I already said all my goodbyes. I thought about this and this is what I want to do!" Dean yelled, feeling the control of the situation slip from his grasp. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Cas questioned. "Yea Cas, I'm tired. I'm so damn tired and I'm ready to go" he confessed. The angel sighed deeply, shaking his head. "Don't you dare look at me like that Cas, not you. You must be so disappointed and ashamed of me but I just need your support for this one." Cas nodded understandingly and cleared his throat loudly. "Well you haven't said all your goodbyes yet" he stated. Dean smiled in return, "I'll see you on the other side buddy" he laughed, punching his arm playfully. "No Dean, not me." He motioned to a figure in the corner of the room. The closer he looked he realized exactly who it was. "Sam?" His voice cracked and the lump in his throat began to choke him again. "Sam is that really you?" He emerged from the corner and into the light of the middle of the room, his image flickering a little before becoming clear. Dean placed his hands on Sam's face and looked deep into his brother's eyes. It was really him. He didn't know how he could touch him because he was only a ghost but he didn't care, Sammy was here and that was all that mattered. "Dean" he whimpered wrapping his arms tighter around his big brother. "It's okay Sammy, it's okay! I'm finally coming back home to you and dad and mom! I missed you so much Sammy" Dean cried into Sam's hair. He pulled away aggressively and held him by the shoulders. "No, Dean. You're not doing this. I won't let you do this" he argued. He always argued with his older brother no matter how hopeless his fight was. He knew no matter what he said Dean had made his mind up. "You have to fight this. Think about how happy Sandra and the kids make you and how happy you make them" he begged. "Sam don't do this I already said my goodbyes. I'm ready." "I won't let you" Sam challenged. "Oh yea? Sammy, I'm doing this and you can't stop me. I know you think I'm a coward and too afraid to face this life and you're right, I can't. If I stay, I'll only end up hurting them in the end and you know it" he said looking to Cas for help but he just looked away from the two. "Dean you're wrong about yourself y'know. I think you're the strongest person in the world." "Sammy-" "No Dean, just stop. You have a wife and children who love you almost as much as I do, and you may not believe me but that's a lot" he laughed, a smile on his lips but the tears in his eyes betraying him. "You do deserve this life. You do deserve your children and your family and every good thing that happens to you. I can't wait to watch you as an old man bickering with your wife and watch your children grow old and get married and when the time comes, you'll come back to me." He was sobbing now holding onto Dean as his cries wracked through his body. "Why can't you see how great you really are? Please Dean" he begged. Sam got no answer, just the broken sobs of his brother, who held the weight of the world on his shoulders for so long. For so long the universe used him, beat him down into the ground and what did he have to show for it? "I love you so much" Sam whispered, kissing Dean once on the head, burying his nose in his hair. "Take care of Sandra and the kids okay?" Sam said, "And I'll see you soon Dean" were his last words to his brother before he disappeared into thin air. "Sammy!" Dean choked out, but his words caught in his throat. "Cas" was all Dean could get out before the angel was in front of him again a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder. "Goodbye Dean stay out of trouble okay?" Cas said, obvious pain in his voice. "You are good Dean. I don't understand why you don't see what I do and I wish one day you will." With that he looked away from Dean's eyes and placed a single hand on his forehead. "Cas wait!" Dean yelled but it was too late. A blazing white heat took over his entire body lighting him up with fire from the inside out. Suddenly, everything went black.

* * *

"Are you sure he won't remember anything?" Sam asked Cas once again, his eyes red brimmed and swollen from crying. "No, he won't remember any of us" Cas replied sadly. Sam smiled empathetically at the angel. It hurt like hell that Dean wouldn't remember them both until he eventually died of old age, in all his wrinkly glory. 

* * *

Dean Winchester became Dean Smith. He was born to two loving parents in a small town of Texas. He grew up on a farm with no other siblings and eventually became a successful police officer, marrying Sandra, the love of his life. He and his wife gave birth to twins, a little girl named Alexis and boy Andrew. The newest edition to the family is their huge, yet loving golden retriever Sparky. He never had to get over a fear of dogs because he was never attacked by hell hounds. He never went to hell, the apocalypse never happened. Those sort of things only happened in stories; none of it was real. Dean's living the life he never got to have when he was a hunter. Every now and then he feels the presence of someone with him when he's alone in the quiet of his room. Whenever he's scared, worried, nervous, or just overwhelmed by life, he never feels like he's alone. One day he came across a old weathered picture stuffed in the corner of a mirror in his bedroom. The man in the picture was tall, well over six feet, but his smile had a boyish charm to it. Something that Dean vaguely recognized but couldn't put his finger on it. It gave him a sense of security to keep the picture with him, almost like someone was looking out for him. He called him his guardian angel, Sammy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So yea basically I think this is how the series should end. And sorry for any feels that I give you lol


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